I just feel like writing. The clock in my PC say it’s 7.53 pm, still in the office though, i just finished taking photos of Citos’ visitor for the bulettin. There’s only like 4 or 5 persons here. Bruno’s live performance is playing in the background. He performed runaway baby with a lil bit touch of ska music. My head is nodding and my body’s shakin, hahaha. My desk is kinda messed up right now. My drawer is opened and there’s a pair of socks there, haha, it’s such a multifunction drawer ya know, i put everything there.
by the way, i think i wanna talk about dreams. There’s a lot of things that made me think about it this past few days. I’m a dreamer. I think that’s what i enjoy most when i’m alone since like i don’t know when. I love dreaming about a life out there, maybe being a free person in paris, hanging out around eiffel. I dreamt about being a rockstar and lived in hollywood. that kind of stuff is really fun to dream about. It’s silly, but it’s fun, and it’s not real hahaha. but i have a lot of dream, real dream, the dream that in reality i’ve been tryin to achieve. All this time i’ve been working to get it and it’s kinda tiring. sometimes, when i’m down, went home and tryin to sleep it’s kinda came and strike you. i kept asking what if to myself. what if I cannot get wat i want, what if i don’t get in before my deadline (that i made by myself, haha), what if i won’t get a chance to experience to live in that dream.
When you really want something and you try really hard to make it happen, sometimes it could make you really depressed. it’s poor ya know, depressed about something you don’t get yet. sometimes, i did. sometimes, i just wanted to stop, taking an easy way out and stop tryin. It was always seem like the easiest thing to do. to give up. It’s never been easy for me to be here today. Since i was a little kid I’m the kind of girl who always bustin my ass in school, i took a lot of courses and pratices. I fight through a lot of things in my life until now. Everything’s never been easy. why? because i’m not rich, i’m not a genius, i’m not popular, and many other things. I’m not born with that advantages. Thank god I had such a great parents who know how to build that fighting spirit high. I had always been a kid that fights and will always be. it’s in my blood.
So here i am, I’m 22, just building my career. I really hope and pray and fight all my best to achieve my dreams. I really want to tell you what it is, but i wonder if i don’t achieve it in the future and i already told everybody about it i will be very devastated. so i’m keeping it to my self. only me and god knows what it is. and only me and god know how bad i’ve always wanted it and how hard i fight. i really do. we’ll see in the next 3 years if it’s gonna happen or not. my 25 years old me had to write another post about it. see ya.
PS: Find someone funny when you get depressed. Other’s emotion could influence yours. Believe me, it works.
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